DAY ONE: To West Virginia

Of course, on a journey like this, no matter how perfect, how early you start, how lovely the weather is, or how traffic ceases to exist -- if you do so much as comment on how well things are going, and then knock on your dashboard whilst saying "knock on wood", your tailpipe will instantly fall off on the highway and you will be stranded in Hazelton, Pennsylvania.

Hazelton - home of the Tasty-Cake, Farmer's Tea, and a guy named Dave.. After our cringe-worthy entrance into the rough valley town, we were led to Cole's Muffler where we sat in the small waiting room, neon lights buzzing. There we sat for hours with a cute old woman, who turned out to be not-so-cute, and a metal-head, Dave.

It was Dave who broke the ice by returning from the cold and handing us a brown paper bag with Hazelton's finest fare. He then proceeded to woo us with his extensive knowledge of religious conspiracy theory, Halo 3, freshwater fishing and his disappointment with the local paranormal society's lack of investigative imagination. Dave, in our opinion, is Hazelton's finest citizen and a great American.

Although we would have loved a second round of tasty-cakes and paranormal epistemology, Hazelton wanted us and our new muffler out - so into the darkness we drove to West Virginia. What a day.